Ladies and Gentlemen Kelvis has left the building...
Saturday-Went to v2’s soccer game in the early afternoon the game was supposed to start at 12:30 so of course the coach rolled in at 12:35. Then during the game he was telling the kids to do stuff that they haven’t even talked about at practice or anything. Basically I wanted to kick the coach right in the junk. Sure he’s a volunteer but his job so far has been for, pardon my French, shit. It has been an eight week season and in practice before the 7th game he finally teaches them about passing. The guy is a douche. I can’t wait until the spring when I can get started and coach. We already have the coaching and secretarial issues taken care of for the summer. After the game I went home and slept for about two hours after the Michigan game and then couldn’t sleep that night. Oh and I watched the Sox game that night with v2. I told him that if the Sox win the Series I would get him a WS champions shirt since he has no Sox gear at all aside from a hat. We’re a National League family damn it, except when it’s the Astros in there.
Sunday-Woke up and went to church it was their 30th anniversary little deal so it was a little different from the normal service things. Came home and v2 I headed off to Six Flags for Fright Fest and to freeze our asses off for a little bit. Over all the weather wasn’t that bad but there were times when it got really damn cold, v2 had his winter coat on the whole time. The entire clan was there kids, adults, the whole nine yards. We pretty much screwed around most of the day general shenanigans. Then most of us sat down to see Dead Elvis. Think Elvis impersonator with some dead looking make up on. Thankfully v2 had gotten in line with a few of the kids to ride a ride so he missed Dead Elvis because……well his dad made an ass out of himself. The show started out innocently enough he sang some tunes and changed some words to make them more Halloween-ish. Don’t Step on my Blood Stained Shoes and Viva La Fright Fest were two that I remembered. He had some kids on stage reluctantly go up there and play plastic air filled guitars. Did a couple of tunes and then he went into the audience again to find some more people to bring on stage. He brought some dude who had Elvis like sideburns and was walking around the rest of the crowd I was just hoping he would walk right by me. Well a family member points at me and says “It’s his birthday!” so he asked me to come on stage. I stood up and as I turned back to them I told them they were cocks. My birthday is in January. Anyway Dead Elvis was in on the joke and had his 4 backup singers sing “Happy Birthday” to me. After they were done singing it I did this big over the top tip of my cap/ bow like something you would see at the opera or something. Then Dead Elvis handed us our guitars to play Johnny B Goode while he sang it. He didn’t know he was dealing with Kelvis so I had all the moves down. Elvis is singing Johnny B Goode and I’m splitting the big guitar solos with the other guy that was up there. I didn’t do the duck walk though, I should have. The crowd is laughing their asses off because I’m basically acting a fool up there, but it got even better. Then Dead E shows us this hip swivel move which is a benchmark of any good Elvis impersonation once I knew what he was doing it I knew what he was talking about. Then the music hits and its “Suspicious Minds” which is my favorite late Elvis tune. He’s singing the song in between me and the other guy, I’m doing like every Elvis move in the book. The leg twitch the like side shuffle and doing some karate kicks reminiscent of old Las Vegas Elvis. While I’m doing this Elvis goes into the audience and sits in the front row and says “I think I’ve found my son.” I’m still up there doing whatever. Got some help from the brother who was doing the karate hand motions in the crowd so I had to throw a few of those in there. Then Elvis gets back on stage as the song is about halfway through, and hands me the microphone. Well of course I had to belt out the tune so I sang a little bit of the tune. Then I handed it back to Elvis and let him finish it up as we did the low lean Elvis motion and that was about the end of it. We left the stage and now I am the proud owner of not only a air guitar signed by Dead Elvis but also a scarf he gave me while I was in full Kelvis mode. Who knows when Kelvis will return?
Edit: I would be remisee if I didn't mention that I was actually scared by something at Fright Fest. There was someone under this camoflauge tarp thing with like moss over it yelling at people. I walked by and it yelled right as I was in front of it. Yeah I almost crapped my pants because I didn't think there was anything underneath there.
Edit #2: I got a pair of "glasses" to screw around with at restaurants and stuff. Standard stupid stuff that you have come to expect from me.
Sunday-Woke up and went to church it was their 30th anniversary little deal so it was a little different from the normal service things. Came home and v2 I headed off to Six Flags for Fright Fest and to freeze our asses off for a little bit. Over all the weather wasn’t that bad but there were times when it got really damn cold, v2 had his winter coat on the whole time. The entire clan was there kids, adults, the whole nine yards. We pretty much screwed around most of the day general shenanigans. Then most of us sat down to see Dead Elvis. Think Elvis impersonator with some dead looking make up on. Thankfully v2 had gotten in line with a few of the kids to ride a ride so he missed Dead Elvis because……well his dad made an ass out of himself. The show started out innocently enough he sang some tunes and changed some words to make them more Halloween-ish. Don’t Step on my Blood Stained Shoes and Viva La Fright Fest were two that I remembered. He had some kids on stage reluctantly go up there and play plastic air filled guitars. Did a couple of tunes and then he went into the audience again to find some more people to bring on stage. He brought some dude who had Elvis like sideburns and was walking around the rest of the crowd I was just hoping he would walk right by me. Well a family member points at me and says “It’s his birthday!” so he asked me to come on stage. I stood up and as I turned back to them I told them they were cocks. My birthday is in January. Anyway Dead Elvis was in on the joke and had his 4 backup singers sing “Happy Birthday” to me. After they were done singing it I did this big over the top tip of my cap/ bow like something you would see at the opera or something. Then Dead Elvis handed us our guitars to play Johnny B Goode while he sang it. He didn’t know he was dealing with Kelvis so I had all the moves down. Elvis is singing Johnny B Goode and I’m splitting the big guitar solos with the other guy that was up there. I didn’t do the duck walk though, I should have. The crowd is laughing their asses off because I’m basically acting a fool up there, but it got even better. Then Dead E shows us this hip swivel move which is a benchmark of any good Elvis impersonation once I knew what he was doing it I knew what he was talking about. Then the music hits and its “Suspicious Minds” which is my favorite late Elvis tune. He’s singing the song in between me and the other guy, I’m doing like every Elvis move in the book. The leg twitch the like side shuffle and doing some karate kicks reminiscent of old Las Vegas Elvis. While I’m doing this Elvis goes into the audience and sits in the front row and says “I think I’ve found my son.” I’m still up there doing whatever. Got some help from the brother who was doing the karate hand motions in the crowd so I had to throw a few of those in there. Then Elvis gets back on stage as the song is about halfway through, and hands me the microphone. Well of course I had to belt out the tune so I sang a little bit of the tune. Then I handed it back to Elvis and let him finish it up as we did the low lean Elvis motion and that was about the end of it. We left the stage and now I am the proud owner of not only a air guitar signed by Dead Elvis but also a scarf he gave me while I was in full Kelvis mode. Who knows when Kelvis will return?
Edit: I would be remisee if I didn't mention that I was actually scared by something at Fright Fest. There was someone under this camoflauge tarp thing with like moss over it yelling at people. I walked by and it yelled right as I was in front of it. Yeah I almost crapped my pants because I didn't think there was anything underneath there.
Edit #2: I got a pair of "glasses" to screw around with at restaurants and stuff. Standard stupid stuff that you have come to expect from me.
posted by Kev at
8:52 AM
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