Random Ramblings

Friday, February 04, 2005

Another rant or why my life could be a sitcom....

Okay if you have no technical savvy whatsoever or at least a 7th grade education please stay out of the "Do it Yourself" line at Jewel. 9 times out our 10 I'm in there I go through these lines and nearly every time I do it there is some idiot in front of me who has no idea what they are doing. Its quite simple people run the bar code over the scanner--then pay the bill. If you are over I would say 50 years old there is no way shape or form should be going through these lines. Thank you.

My life is coming more and more like an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" where it all get tied up in the end of the show. Going into Jewel to get some cash I see a lady in an "interesting" jacket walking in. I say interesting because it was white but it also had like squares of zebra, leopard, and various pelts of various other savannah dwelling animals on it. It was a jacket where you would say to someone, "Whoa look at that jacket." Of course I see the jacket and have a little laugh at it. Go inside get some cash and then head into the store pick up a few items. I'm at the back of the store and I'm looking for the cracker aisle. I get right to the cracker aisle and at the other end is "the jacket", and of course I have a little laugh again to myself a little quieter this time. I don’t know maybe she was looking for some Lorna Doones cookies or something. I go grab what I wanted and then head to the check out. Go the do it yourself one (see above) and then change because apparently EVERY stupid person in the greater Northbrook area is trying to use them today. I'm standing there for a while and then up comes the lady in "the jacket". I notice she has some little box in her hand and she gets in the checkout aisle I was just in right after I switched aisles. She realizes too that the woman is an idiot and then comes over to the aisle that I was in. She sets her box down on the belt and she's got a box of what I call "bullets". Really when you think of them when they are out of whatever applicator device they may have they look like a bullet. Maybe a big bullet big enough to take out a elephant or something. Granted I've gone to the store more times than I would be willing to admit to pick up "bullets". While I'm standing there I realize that any item that falls into this category of items is kind of like watching a guy welding. Follow me here, I seem to think that if I look at the box for an extended period of time that it will be bad for my eyes. Now "the jacket" was an attractive looking lady, if not in a Trixie way, she was working the whole Chloe glasses angle. Since she had "bullets" I figured there was only one thing I could work up the courage to say to her. "Hey I'm guessing you're menstruating. How's that working out for you?"

Okay maybe I didn't say that to her, just another missed opportunity.


  • If you actually had balls enough to use that as a pick up line, what woman wouln't want to go out with you? Its honest, it shows sensitivity towards females and it hints that you also "share her pain". This could actually work!

    By Blogger Pockets, at 4:46 PM  

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