Random Ramblings

Monday, May 16, 2005

Super Saturday---THROWDOWN!

This is from an email I sent to someone I work with about the past weekend. Sorry I can't supply blog readers with the sketches.


The Scene: The Home Depot in Round Lake Right between like noon-1:00.
The actors: Me, My brother, his daughter, and my mom. We were at the store to pick up stuff to add to the deck that my mom has at the back of the house. Picking up some sand, some timbers and some other crap. We're doing a brick extension on the patio cause that's what mom wanted for mom's day. Saturday we we're going to lay out the outer border of the thing and lay the bricks next weekend.

We all pack into my moms Blazer to pick up the crap from the store. We all roll in and there and its not too busy which is a little odd for a Saturday. We pick up the sand, brackets, and some of that stuff you put under things so weeds wouldn't grow through the bricks we are going to lay. Then we head on over to look at the landscape timbers that would be the frame we would use to put the brick in. This is where it gets interesting, be ready to refer to the previously supplied illustration (sketch "A"). My niece goes to pick up one of those carts that you put long boards on and my brother is looking at these timbers that are about 2 inches around and eight feet long. I figure they may weight about 40 pounds each. He's looking at the timbers and handing them to me and I'm putting on the cart. He pulls them off the end cap and hands them to me and I put them on the cart. We're about 2 1/2 feet apart doing this and get about 5 of the 8 we inteded on buying when I notice this 10 year old (guessing his age) standing incredibly close to my brother as he's pulling these timbers off the endcap. I'm thinking what in the hell is that kid doing there is no way he's going to try and go between us because if he does he may get clocked in the head by this timber my brother is pulling off the display thing. There was at least another 4 feet if not more between the cart and the side of the aisle on the kids right hand side, more than enough for the kid to get through. Well I was right the stupid kid did cut through there (dotted line on drawing) and almost took a 8 foot plank right to the side of his stupid crew cut head. My brother says, "Hey nice move dumbass you almost got hit in the head with this timber. This may not be his exact quote but he did call the kid a dumbass (this is key later on). Then the kid scurries to his right heading southbound through the Home Depot. I look at my brother giving him that "geez that kid was an idiot and almost took a 8 foot timber right in his temple" look. We go on our merry way and load the 3 other timbers onto the cart. Then we go to the checkout and we had three carts one with small stuff, a flatbed type one with the sand on it, and the cart with the timbers on it. My mom is in front with the regular cart and I'm behind her with the sand, the check out lady goes through all the stuff and I get out of the general register area with the sand, my mom is still back by the register with the other cart and my brother's cart hasn't been checked out yet. (See sketch "B") Then everything gets checked out and we are almost ready to roll. When coming from my left down the main front aisle is some 40-ish year old dude and his wife and you guessed it……crew cut stupid kid! The guy is crew cut kid's dad (henceforth known as SCCKD for stupid crew cut kid dad) . Here's where it gets good. SCCKD says to my brother "Did you call my kid a dumbass?" My brother is like "Yeah he was walking through here and almost got his in the head by these timbers." At this time I'm standing over where I with my niece we are both smiling and almost laughing the guy. Then SCCKD is like, "You don't call my kid a dumbass." My brother quickly retorts, "I'm going to call the kid a dumbass if he does something like that." I look at stupid crew cut kid and the face of the kid is all red and he's seriously on the verge of having a full out boo hoo fit, his lip was quivering and and his eyes were all squinty. Then SCCKD is like, "Do you want to take this outside." This last thing SCCKD says is key to the big payoff. My brother is kind of like "Whatever" (or something to that affect). SCCKD is still yelling at the top of his lungs and I was just standing back there watching the whole spectacle, yes still laughing. They yelled back and forth at each other about 3 or 4 times. While the wife of SCCKD is getting pushed away from my brother by his wife. Then SCCKD made a serious mistake. He yelled the "F word" when he was yelling at my brother about something and I knew it was my time to move in. So I step towards them and my mom puts her hand on my chest to try and stop me and telling me to relax, later we find out my mom thought it was going to end up in a fist fight. I look at my mom and tell her I'm just trying to get SCCKD to calm down. This happened pretty quick from the time he said the f word until I got past my mom he hadn't had a chance to yell anything else but was still fuming mad. At this point my brother was completely cool and wasn't really yelling but SCCKD was yellling the whole time. So SCCKD was still yelling once I got past my mom and swearing. Then the guy sees me coming towards him, I don't think he was paying attention to what I was doing because when it started I was too busy watching the spectacle and laughing. Now I'm now talking loudly at the guy I said, "Come on pal there's little kids in the store they don't need to hear you swearing like that." SCCKD says something to me and I’m just telling him to calm down. I think I tell the guy about not swearing like twice and the guy calms down, then him and his stupid family check out at the register right next to us. Quick aside here: if this had happened to you and you were SCCKD wouldn't you have waited to check out until after we left? Yes I would have waited to but apparently the guy isn't very smart. So finally we are getting checkout and SCCKD and his bleach blonde wife are looking at us and I'm just loving every minute of it and just laughing about the whole situation. We head out to the car with the carts and we are loading the stuff into the back of the Blazer. We're talking about the whole thing and I tell my mom I was just trying to calm the guy down and I would have only went after the guy if he took a swing at me. Then as we are talking here comes SCCKD and his wife and….wait a second who is that? Oh my its SCCKD, his wife, his dumbass kid………and a 340 pound black guy that works at the Home Depot. As fate would have it they are parked in the same row as us on the opposite side about 4 cars away. I thought oh that Home Depot guy must be leaving work right now. So SCCKD and his family are getting into their silver Monte Carlo and we are loading our stuff in. I guess the wife of the guy was looking at us worried my brother and I would jump the guy in the parking lot. Then the silver Monte Carlo with SCCKD and his dumb family pull away. Oh you are probably wondering what happened to the 340 pound black guy……well he wasn't getting off work. He went back inside the Home Depot to work as the only reason he walked out there was to protect SCCKD from getting jumped in the parking lot………this of course after SCCKD asked my brother if he wanted to "take it outside." Apparently SCCKD had enlisted the big guy to protect him in the parking lot. I only have one word to really describe the actions of SCCKD asking the Home Depot guy to come walk him to his car, and I don’t think anyone but Ron White said it better when he said,



"pussy."

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