Random Ramblings

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

More scammer goodness

Well email scammers have sunk to a new low. Here's the latest one I received....and of course replied too. Typing, English and other mistakes in my reply are totally intended. Click here for the other email scammer shenanigans.

From: Madam Joan Taylor.
4 Old Church Street,
Chelsea, SW3,
Good Day,
Here writes Madam Joan Taylor, suffering from Cancerous ailment.
I am married to Engineer Silas Hines an Englishman who is dead. My husband was into private practice all his life before his death. Our life together as man and wife lasted for three decades without child. My husband died after a protracted illness. My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament. I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from this relationship, which never came.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 10 Million
Pounds (Ten Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling) which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with his bank here in UK. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the (LUCAMEA) cancerous problems I am suffering from. Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen my family and me, I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.
It is often said that blessed is the hand that giveth.
I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do not want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on. The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husband’s relatives around me, because I do not want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply through this my confidential email Address: I shall give you the contact of the bank in UK. I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to hear from you very soon and God bless you and members of your family.
Yours sincerely
Mrs. Joan Taylor.

Good Day Joan,
Sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. If you were married for 30 years how come you never had any kids? Were you too frigid or did his old swimmers just not want to swim? Well whatever the case you probably ended up as that weird couple on your street that everyone talked about. So I understand that you want to help the downtrodden and when it comes to helping the downtrodden I’m your guy.
So your husband put 10 million pounds in the bank from some estate and investments he had. Speaking of pounds have you ever seen that where a person weights like 1000 pounds and they have to cut the side of the house off to get the guy out of his house? Then they lift him out of his bed with a fork lift? Anyway that happened to a guy that lived across the street from us and when he was on the forklift and getting put on the truck he took a big crap all over the place. I have picture of the whole thing when they cut the house apart and when he took the crap too. A car ran over the poop too it was pretty funny. I’m more than happy that you want to donate the 10 million pounds to me, I have a lot of plans for that kind of money. First I’m going to set up a charity fund and only give it to models who can’t read because I think everyone should be illegitimate and know how to read. Illegitmacy is a big problem if you ask me. Then I’m going to also put some money aside for the people who stutter a lot too. Then with part of the money I’m going to go to Vegas and bet it all on black at the roulette table because that’s what Wesley Snipes said to always bet on black in that movie Passenger 57. Did you ever see that movie? These dudes try and take over a plane but Wesley isn’t going to let that happen…..no way Boy Howdy. Wesley goes on a fighting spree on the plan and everyone lands safely at the end and its all because of Passenger 57, you should rent it. Then when I win I’m getting my payout in all dollar bills and I’m going to put it in a big kiddie pool and pretend like I’m swimming in it. It will be funny I know!!! So you had a stroke too? Have you ever heard that Billy Squier song “The Stroke”, its really a rocking song. I think it has to do with making the sex. There’s a lot of songs that are about making the sex. I can hardly wait to hear back from you, so anyway are you what us over her in the US call “a looker”? If you are send me some pictures, could ya?

Franklin Stubbs


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