Random Ramblings

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I really don’t want to do this…

But I’m pooping on the Johnny Cash biopic “Walk the Line”, or at least part of the movie. In the movie they apparently had Joaquin Phoenix doing the Cash vocals and you can tell. It doesn’t even really sound like Johnny. I think they should have gone the Ray route and used Johnny’s real vocals in the movie since there is only one voice that sounds like Cash. Aside from the singing issue Joaquin doesn’t look overly goofy as Cash. This complaining aside I will go see it opening weekend.

Cash has voice that sounds like no other and reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when George said, "That's like telling Pavarotti "Teach me to sing like you". Phoenix could never sound like Cash neither could anyone else.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen Kelvis has left the building...

Saturday-Went to v2’s soccer game in the early afternoon the game was supposed to start at 12:30 so of course the coach rolled in at 12:35. Then during the game he was telling the kids to do stuff that they haven’t even talked about at practice or anything. Basically I wanted to kick the coach right in the junk. Sure he’s a volunteer but his job so far has been for, pardon my French, shit. It has been an eight week season and in practice before the 7th game he finally teaches them about passing. The guy is a douche. I can’t wait until the spring when I can get started and coach. We already have the coaching and secretarial issues taken care of for the summer. After the game I went home and slept for about two hours after the Michigan game and then couldn’t sleep that night. Oh and I watched the Sox game that night with v2. I told him that if the Sox win the Series I would get him a WS champions shirt since he has no Sox gear at all aside from a hat. We’re a National League family damn it, except when it’s the Astros in there.

Sunday-Woke up and went to church it was their 30th anniversary little deal so it was a little different from the normal service things. Came home and v2 I headed off to Six Flags for Fright Fest and to freeze our asses off for a little bit. Over all the weather wasn’t that bad but there were times when it got really damn cold, v2 had his winter coat on the whole time. The entire clan was there kids, adults, the whole nine yards. We pretty much screwed around most of the day general shenanigans. Then most of us sat down to see Dead Elvis. Think Elvis impersonator with some dead looking make up on. Thankfully v2 had gotten in line with a few of the kids to ride a ride so he missed Dead Elvis because……well his dad made an ass out of himself. The show started out innocently enough he sang some tunes and changed some words to make them more Halloween-ish. Don’t Step on my Blood Stained Shoes and Viva La Fright Fest were two that I remembered. He had some kids on stage reluctantly go up there and play plastic air filled guitars. Did a couple of tunes and then he went into the audience again to find some more people to bring on stage. He brought some dude who had Elvis like sideburns and was walking around the rest of the crowd I was just hoping he would walk right by me. Well a family member points at me and says “It’s his birthday!” so he asked me to come on stage. I stood up and as I turned back to them I told them they were cocks. My birthday is in January. Anyway Dead Elvis was in on the joke and had his 4 backup singers sing “Happy Birthday” to me. After they were done singing it I did this big over the top tip of my cap/ bow like something you would see at the opera or something. Then Dead Elvis handed us our guitars to play Johnny B Goode while he sang it. He didn’t know he was dealing with Kelvis so I had all the moves down. Elvis is singing Johnny B Goode and I’m splitting the big guitar solos with the other guy that was up there. I didn’t do the duck walk though, I should have. The crowd is laughing their asses off because I’m basically acting a fool up there, but it got even better. Then Dead E shows us this hip swivel move which is a benchmark of any good Elvis impersonation once I knew what he was doing it I knew what he was talking about. Then the music hits and its “Suspicious Minds” which is my favorite late Elvis tune. He’s singing the song in between me and the other guy, I’m doing like every Elvis move in the book. The leg twitch the like side shuffle and doing some karate kicks reminiscent of old Las Vegas Elvis. While I’m doing this Elvis goes into the audience and sits in the front row and says “I think I’ve found my son.” I’m still up there doing whatever. Got some help from the brother who was doing the karate hand motions in the crowd so I had to throw a few of those in there. Then Elvis gets back on stage as the song is about halfway through, and hands me the microphone. Well of course I had to belt out the tune so I sang a little bit of the tune. Then I handed it back to Elvis and let him finish it up as we did the low lean Elvis motion and that was about the end of it. We left the stage and now I am the proud owner of not only a air guitar signed by Dead Elvis but also a scarf he gave me while I was in full Kelvis mode. Who knows when Kelvis will return?

Edit: I would be remisee if I didn't mention that I was actually scared by something at Fright Fest. There was someone under this camoflauge tarp thing with like moss over it yelling at people. I walked by and it yelled right as I was in front of it. Yeah I almost crapped my pants because I didn't think there was anything underneath there.

Edit #2: I got a pair of "glasses" to screw around with at restaurants and stuff. Standard stupid stuff that you have come to expect from me.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

So long Busch Stadium

Well it was only a matter of time, Busch Stadium is no officially done. Honestly I’m a little sad to see it go since I’ve spent many a weekend and many hours in the car visiting the old ball park. Sure I would have liked to see the Cards win the WS this year, looks like I’ll have to back the home town team and cheer the Sox. I can’t cheer the Astros, I am a National League guy, but I just hate the Astros. I hate them as much as I hate the Cubs.
As the stadium comes down there are some good things in store for next year. There will be a bigger revenue stream for the team. They have made some deals this season like buying a station to broadcast their games and added boxes in the new park. There are only a few guys who are free agents (Morris & Sanders mainly) and Larry Walker is retired. Best of luck in retirement Larry Baseball.
The new Busch is really a nice looking park along the lines of new parks that look like old ones. I'm sure the same very attractive female Cardinals fans will find their way to the new park. I can only imagine that the new Busch will be a upgrade from the current old Busch which I never thought was that bad. Trust me if you ever had been in old County Stadium in Milwaukee you know how bad a major league park can be. It was crappier than Wrigley and didn’t have the aura that Wrigley admittedly has. I’m sure the new Busch will be all shiny and state of the art and if its even close to Petco in San Diego Cardinals fans will be happy. So thanks for the many memories Busch Stadium and maybe next year the Cardinals can kick off the new place by winning the World Series their first season there. Here's to the memories of old Busch Stadium and the upcoming memories that will be made in new Busch Stadium.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


From our friends at the Associated Press:

Saddam Scuffles With Guards As Trial Opens AP - 26 minutes ago
BAGHDAD, Iraq - A defiant Saddam Hussein pleaded innocent to charges of murder and torture as his long-awaited trial began Wednesday with the one-time dictator arguing about the legitimacy of the court and scuffling with guards. The first session of the trial lasted about three hours, and the judge ordered an adjournment until Nov. 28. Saddam and his seven co-defendants could face the death penalty if convicted for the 1982 massacre of nearly 150 Shiites in the town of Dujail. They are being tried in the former headquarters of Saddam's Baath Party.


"What cha gonna do when Saddamania runs whild on you?"

I hope him scuffling with guards was done like they do in pro wrestling where they separate him from the guys and then he "gets loose" and attacks the guards for a second time.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Technology wins again

Well I got my new phone last night and they decativated the SIM on the old phone. I thought I'd be able to get my numbers off the old SIM to the new one but nope the old SIM is totally dead. So I have lost some phone numbers so if you haven't heard from me in a while you know why. Give me a call and I can get your number on the new SIM.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


Do you think there is someone out there who is in a wheelchair that has spinning rims? I think that would be cool.

I was on the Opie & Anthony show this morning about 7:00 ripping on Chicago readio because they were talking about the WCKG stunt from yesterday. Opie asked if WCKG should be put on the "f#ck-o list" and I said they should be. Hee hee I said f#ck on the radio.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Technology 2 Kev 0

What a day it was yesterday, my watch had finally bit the dust and my cell phone decided to turn heel on me. Thankfully I have a new watch on the way through the magic of ebay. I couldn’t find one that I liked but I found an auction for one that worked for me. I have a question about ebay if some guy is auctioning off say 4 or 5 of the exact same thing and they all end on the same date why would you bid on one that someone has already bid on? Just seems really stupid to me, just bid on the other one without and bidders.
As for the phone I was able to get a deal through Nextel on an upgrade which is only costing me around $100. I’m getting a more durable phone sort of similar to the one I originally had back in the day. I’m hoping it gets here on Friday since my other one the DC button is jacked up and the phone is basically poo now. Well that’s about all for now go check out Totally Tool Wrestling this weekend and then you can stick around for some standard wresting at the IWA show in the evening. It should be a long day of rasslin entertainment. IWA is known for running long shows but they are really good. I have to go pick up Enigma and the Cyclone Kid on Saturday morning on their flight from Peru. Hopefully they are getting along now.*

I maybe going down to Waveland Mississippi right after Thanksgiving for a week or so to help out with whatever. I’ll know for sure in a week or so.

I'm glad TNA is on Spike since it looks like WWE is going the evil McMahon route again.

*felt like I was writing for the Ross Report there for a second

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Good times

I tried to post the photo but I'm stupid. This is funny though.

Oh and the Timex is officially dead. There is a different one coming from the great ebay monster though.

Friday, October 07, 2005

From the London Times:

No dancing and no gays if Hamas gets its wayBy Stephen Farrell

A VISION of an Islamic society that bans mixed dancing and sternly disapproves of homosexuality has been given by Mahmoud Zahar, the most senior leader of Hamas in Gaza.
After controversies when a Hamas-led council halted a dance festival and Islamist gunmen stopped a rap band performing in Gaza, Dr Zahar defended the enforcement of a strict interpretation of Islam.

“A man holds a woman by the hand and dances with her in front of everyone. Does that serve the national interest?” Dr Zahar said on the Arabic website Elaph. “If so, why have the phenomena of corruption and prostitution become pervasive in recent years?”
Because of successes by Hamas in municipal polls and its likely strong showing in January’s parliamentary elections, secular Palestinians fear that it will try to impose its ultraconservative vision on them. Its Gaza heartland has no cinemas or bars, yet the West Bank has a brewery and Ramallah restaurants serve wine.

Dr Zahar condemned homosexual marriage, saying: “Are these the laws for which the Palestinian street is waiting? For us to give rights to homosexuals and to lesbians, a minority of perverts and the mentally and morally sick?”
He denied that Hamas wanted a puritancial regime, and said its political and social institutions included women.


Don't they know that this will never work? There will be a charismatic outsider from the big city and get all the kids riled up and show them the no dancing rule is silly. This outsider will also teach the biggest goofiest kid in town to dance really well and these sessions of teaching him to dance will be shown in a montage. The outsider will also show all the kids in town that he is tough but not bailing out when he is challenged to a game of chicken on tractors. Then the outside will go to a barn outside of town so he can just dance, dance, dance!

*okay maybe I've seen Footloose too many times

Thursday, October 06, 2005

For my non-mark readers....

If you go see one indy wrestling show this year, this should be the one. It will be like Raw except about 10 times more entertaining. Look at all the MAIN EVENTS you can't go wrong!

The most talked about independent wrestling show of 2004 returns Saturday afternoon October 15th, Totally Tool Wrestling presents TTW 2 "Sorry About Last Year" This show will be part of a double header with IWA Midsouth Wrestling.

Totally Tool Wrestling 2 "Sorry About Last Year"
Saturday afternoon OCT 15th 2pm
Midlothian Park District Recreation Center
14500 S Kostner Ave
Midlothian IL
Doors open at 1:30 pm

Already announced:



Eric Priest as Unkle Chester Molester ©
Marco Cordova as Habeeb the Egyptian Magician

First Ever First Man Standing Match
IWA Midsouth Promoter Ian Rotten
NWA Midwest Promoter Ed Chuman

Trik Davis as G-Willikerz & Josh Abercrombie as G-Whiz The N-Words
Ash Sanchez as Bernie Jeter and Chris Stylz and Derek Williams the Staten Island Fairies

Brandon Thomaselli as The Ultimate Brandon Thomaselli
Vito Thomaselli as The Immortal Vito Hogan

3 Way Battle for Religious Supremacy!

Venom as Bishop John Benedict
Marek Brave as Rabbi Albert Goldstein
Robert Anthony as Sheik Malalamaka

Derek St Holmes ESQ as Derek St Homeless
Dan Lawrence as Rubber Man

Main Event!!!

Tony Scarpone as Lounge Singer Tony Nevada
2 Phat Jason Dukes as ChippenDukes

Main Event!!

Sal Thomaselli as KING KONG SAL
Chandler McClure as Mark Kayfabe


The Anarchist Arik Cannon as AK-47
Bryce Benjamin as Jethro Biggsby

Lifetime achievement award ceremony for Mexican wrestling legends The Enigma and the Cyclone Kid

Other stars already announced
Referee Phil Drummond as Andy Capp
Bryce the Ref as Ray Wonder

Other stars who will be appearing
Tyler Black
Brad Bradley
Sweet and Sour Larry Sweeney
Jason Reign

Due to Changes in Travel plans, Sacramento Dragon will not be wrestling on this show

Last year there were many additions and surprises the day of the show. This year there will be more!

Timex....your loss

The opportunity for me to have an official timepiece has passed. Today my lovely Timex watch has taken a turn for the worse. There are only now two small pieces connecting the watchband and once hose are gone the watch is done. Now I have to decide where to where is to focus my efforts on something free from corporate America. I could post a picture here of the broken watch but I’m just so torn up about the loss.

Soon I will return with Kev Swag attempt #2 for a yet undecided company.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

It was just a matter of time if you asked me...

From the New York Post Page Six:
October 5, 2005 -- BRITNEY Spears and her hubby, Kevin Federline, sicced their home videos on the public when they gave us "Chaotic," but there's one video floating out there they don't want us to see. According to Us Weekly, a member of the couple's low-rent entourage "has threatened to release raunchy footage of the two taken before Spears looked pregnant [that was copied from a tape in the Spears/Federline collection]." A copy of the original tape viewed by the couple's lawyers elicited laughter and disgust. So much for the "hot" sex Spears continually brags about.

I'm going to set the over/under on this thing making it to the internet at two weeks.

I'm taking the under.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Just an question......

what is the cut off age when you should not carry a velcro wallet around anymore? I was behind a guy at least 35 at Jewel and he had a velcro wallet, seemed a little odd to me.

Monday, October 03, 2005

The weekend that was.

Thanks for stopping by…..NOT YOU! Anyway here’s just a quick and simple weekend super review. Saturday was the regular standard soccer game with the boy. They lost again but did play better than they did last year. The coach is so friggin unorganized it makes me want to hit him with a garden trowel in the face. Then after the soccer game I headed to Saint Louis with mom, my brother, and one of his daughters. Nate didn’t want to go because he though he would get home too late. Well he would have been right since we got home at around midnight. Sunday was the last regular season game at Busch Stadium and there was a MASSIVE amount of people there. The Cards ended up winning but the game was sort of uneventful. After the game they did like a retrospective of the different decades of Cards teams that have played in the stadium and brought back a butt load of players and introduced them on the field. Keith Hernandez was one of the guys and he asked if I could help him move. They brought the Budweiser Clydesdales for a lap around the field and they had them totally hauling ass. Then we left and drove home. We wrote a little farewell on the column by Gate 8 and were on our way. Stopped at Sonic just north of Springfield and headed home. Geez put your pants back on!

Totally unrelated to the St Louis weekend but I thought that Stacy London and that dude, Clinton, were going to be at Woodfield this weekend, saw an ad in People. Alas no they will not they are sending their fashion minions to put down the badly dressed in the Chicagoland area. Another one on the Top 25 list proves to be elusive again…..

P.S. Stacy if you are reading this contact me I’ll buy you a Fresca.